He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
