My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
