her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Bring me that man meat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
