So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
