i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
