dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
