census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
