; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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