You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
