babies were throwing up all over the place
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
