If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
