so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
