that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize