Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
