I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
