I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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