Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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