WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
