also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
