i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
