Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
