Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
