Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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