Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
