Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
