It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
