So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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