Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let's get the cat blown out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
