Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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