so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
