his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
