I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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