a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
