This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
