I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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