Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
