Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
