I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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