I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There are leaves in my underwear?
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