wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
