Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
