Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
