Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
