Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
