i think my tv is drunk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
