Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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