Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
false alarm, still single
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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