Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
