So drunk its hurt
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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