wat bout pragnant strippers??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize