The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
