Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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