ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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