WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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