In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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