i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
