my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
