One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
