i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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