He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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