I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
