so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
