i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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