Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
