dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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