First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize