i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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