Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
