her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
