id be glad to
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
