i permit you to call me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
