Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
