i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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