I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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